Four signs of a bad relationship.
When a man or a woman leaves you often times, your flabbergasted! You usually are completely blindsided by that, or you knew something wasn’t right but didn’t know what. Ever wonder how you can prevent a headache and a heartache by knowing (s)he’s leaving you in advance? Here are four signs of a bad relationship.
1. He didn’t Love you in the first place.
And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. (Genesis 29:31)
Jacob came out hating Leah. there’s no indication that Leah new this from the beginning. Laban tricked him into that relationship, but I believe Leah was genuinely glad that she had married him. And expected him to be a good husband to her. But what she didn’t see (and maybe she blocked out on purpose) was that he didn’t love her and even while he was married, he was in negotiations with Laban to get with Rachel.
Ladies, (and fellas) real love never fails (I Corinthians 13:8) So when you see the his love vanishing away, it wasn’t real in the first place. It may have felt real, it may have seemed real, it can even walk and talk real, but if it doesn’t ABIDE, its not real. So the first sign of a bad relationship is, it’s not based on love. Passion, is not love. Intimacy, Is not love. Commitment is not love. Trust is not love. Love is a heart thing. Love is unconditional. It’s a “come what may” love. “it’s a “For Better and For Worse” love. and if that love doesn’t develop, then your relationship isn’t off to a very good start.
2. She didn’t see him as much
And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me. Genesis 29:32
I can imagine Leah trying to get Jacobs attention, and win his love by making babies. For a Hebrew man, a son was an honor, and the firstborn, the inheritor of the major portion and successor to the family name as well as the patriarch of the family when his father died. What she was doing was trying to make him love her because of what she could do for him. What’s interesting here is what she named the child. Reuben means “see ye a son.” Its root words mean “to see” and “a son, a builder of the family” So we see that Jacob didn’t come around much, because of his affection for Rachel, and so she had to get his attention.
When s/he doesn’t come around much and you constantly have to get or compete for their attention, whether it’s the boys, the tv, the game console, his job, his friends, or just not wanting to be around you, thats sign number 2 of a bad relationship.
3. She didn’t hear from him as much.
And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon. (Genesis 29:33)
Now Simeon means “hearing” and so now we see the trend continuing downwards. First she didn’t see him as much, and now they don’t talk as much. I can see Leah being the original Verizon Wireless Signal Tester. There she is following Jacob around yearning for his attention and shouting, “can you hear me now”
Ladies, remember when y’all could talk hours about nothing? So why does it seem like now a 5 minute conversation is awkward? Ladies, (gentlemen take notes), when you talk are you listening to her or just hearing her? Are you distracted or enamored? because lack of hearing is not necessarily lack of talking. But now the relationship has lost equality and your regulated to second place. You’re supposed to hear him, but he doesn’t hear you. Thats the 3rd sign of a bad relationship.
4. Their relationship became empty.
And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. (Genesis 29:34)
Levi means “attached.” So now she sees that they are no longer attached, there is no longer any semblance of a bond between them. Wait a minute. How they not attached? they’re still married. we can surmise that Jacob, having worked for his uncle for 7 years and having stayed there even longer, was at least friends with Leah. There had to be some type of cordial relationship there. You just cant be around a person that long and not be cool with them. So now in light of that, what we see here is a loss of friendship. They cant talk like the used to, she don’t see him like she used to and so now that friendship is deteriorating. Commitment without intimacy or passion. There was no point to keeping up the illusion, and I imagine that by this time, she was depressed.
Have you ever ended a relationship and it seems that things aren’t the same anymore? You used to be cool now all you do is wave awkward hellos in the hallways as you pass by. The once mutual respect is now a facade at best and non existent. and its the worst possible place you can be stuck at in a relationship. Emptiness is the fourth sign of of a bad relationship.
Side Note
Throughout this story one key thing hit me today, they were still having sex. Wow. Look at those verses again, she kept getting pregnant, which means she kept having sex. I can imagine Leah using sex to keep him around. In fact wee see evidence of this in the next chapter.
And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son’s mandrakes. (Genesis 30:14)
Mandrakes were associated with fertility in those days. And it is suggested that they were also used as an aphrodisiac. Leah was churning out babies in chapter 30, which means they were having copious amounts of sex. Those sons were prized in those days and so, Leah tried to trap him and trick him into loving her. Ladies (and gentlemen) you can have an empty relationship and still be having sex. But theres a downgrade. You’ve gone from being a wife to just a married woman. From his girl, to his booty call. And so what do you do?
What do you do when your relationship is failing?
And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing. (Genesis 29:35)
Judah means praise. It looks like from the verse, she wised up for a while. and effectively separated from him for a time. (Chapter 30 has her and her servants having more babies). It says that she “left bearing,” meaning, she stopped having children. Now, this most likely means she stopped having sex with him. What did she do then? She began to praise God. Even in the midst of a broken relationship and a messed up marriage. Even when the little home girl with the pretty eyes from down the way lost the man she loved and was determined to be with, she still Praised God.
When your relationships stop working out, and your “lover” is gone, when you want to throw a pity pary or mask the hurt in your heart with a rebound date, or alcohol, or drugs, or promiscuity, instead, stop yourself, check yourself and begin to praise God anyhow. He sees the hurt he sees the pain, he sees the situation, and he’s been with you all along.
But when you praise God in the midst of your sorrow. When you praise God despite your circumstance, then instead of being around your situation, he dwells in your situation, because your situation is filled with praise. She was pregnant with Praise, she travailed with praise and now she gives birth to praise and since praise is now in the mids t of the situation, and God inhabits his peoples praise, then God now dwells in your situation, and since God wont dwell in mess, the house will be straightened up, your broken vessel will be made new, and there will be a change in you despite your circumstances. He will heal your heart. He will heal your soul and that change will transform you by the renewing of your mind.
When you’re stuck in a bad relationship, GET UP AND PRAISE the Lord!
