Starting all over again (a Prefix-ation on New Life)

Ever been in a state of disillusionment? Ever thought everything around you was going good when the reality of the situation was that the world around you was crumbling like a demolished and derelict wall standing in some ancient city? My problem is this. I had surrounded my self with a bubble of hope. Of all the objective reality around me, I created for myself a fantasy. And one day, that bubble burst. Now does that mean I do not hope for its eventual reality? God forbid. But no longer am I consumed with its pursuit.

Such is the situation with sinners. While you are a sinner it seems like everything around you is going good. The sex feels good, you get away with lying, stealing, cheating. You enjoy your materialistic music, your smoking, gambling and violence. Of course, there are good sinners as well. Those who keep the Second Greatest Commandment to the letter. Loving their neighbors, but not loving God. These are they that live in a bubble called sin. Sin that feels so good. That makes be feel complete. but the reality of the situation is that the actuality of the situation is that sin is a state of ignorance that leads to destruction. Only with sinners, it is not a situation you hope to actualize one day, it is a problem that you must rid yourself of.

So how does one rid themselves of this illusion of sin? Simply put, you must be born again. The prefix “Re-” means to go back or to do again. So we see see the need to be RE-Born. What however was wrong with my first birth that necessitates my Re-Birth? From Adam to Moses, My Sin was imparted, it was the very nature of my humanity, I was born with a Sin Nature, a nature corrupted and depraved of the Holiness in which I was created. (Romans 5:13) From Moses To John The Baptist, my sin was imputed, for under the law my sin was made known and I am condemned for the sins or Adam. (Romans 5:18) and from John until now my sin is innate for the law is written on the heart ( Hebrews 8:10) and in the tables of my conscience (Romans 2:15). So there is at birth a defect that must be corrected and because it is such an inherent part of my physical nature that I cannot simply remove it I must be Re-Born.

but what does that entail? I must be

Re-Attached – For I have been separated from God
Re-Unioned – For I have been broken and Scattered
Re-Affirmed – For my identity was lost when I left the image of my Father.
Re-Directed – For I have strayed from Thy path O God
Re-Defined – For You are the source of my life’s meaning O God
Re-Decorated – Because I have corrupted Your image.
Re-Constructed – For I am a broken vessel of clay, and You are The Potter.
Re-Conditioned – for sin has left me in a condition of disrepair
Re-Used – For thy purpose O God, for I want to accomplish your will
Re-Stored – Allow me to be put back to where I was before the fall of man.
Re-Vived – For I am dead in my sins, O God
Re-Covered – For you are my covering, O God
Re-Leased – For I am bound by my sins, O God
Re-Deemed – For I want to be purchased by your Blood, Jesus
Re-Pent – For by my sins my penance had been made of none effect

Re-Born – Because such is the process that you use to ReMember me.

I need that prefix, I must Re-Work my life because he said “Re-Pent and do your first works over.” So there is a prefix, a predetermined notion that I must in fact be born again.

“Ah but how is this possible?” is the cry of a confused Rabbi named Nicodemus. “Can I regress in age now that I am so old? Can I go back through the labia, though the introitus, back above the pubic arch, past the interspinous diameter, through the pelvic brim, and back into the cervix, only to be pushed out again?”

Jesus tells us that it is not the womb that is the focal point of the Re-Generative processes. Rather it is the Water and the Spirit. (John 3:4-5) If you’ve ever watched Television, you understand the concept of the Re-Run. The interesting thing about Re-Runs is they often are not displayed on the channel of their origin. One of my favorite Television shows is House. (House, M.D.). Now it’s home channel, it’s channel of origin is The Fox Network but I can catch Re-Run on the USA Network. More consistently Cartoon Network’s old shows are Re-Broadcast on the Boomerang Network.

My point is a process does not necessarily have to be replicated in the place where it was originally performed. We see this with Nicodemus. Jesus tells him that the original location of his birth (i.e. His mother’s womb) would not be the location of the Re-Birth. the Re-Birth would instead take place by the spirit and in the water.

The water: so, what is water? Water is symbolic of ReGeneration. It includes Re-Pentance for this was the ministry of John the Baptist.(Matthew 3:11) It includes Re-Freshing because that is a function of water. It includes Re-Vivication because this water is the water of life (John 4:13). It includes Re-Conditioning because there is healing in the water (John 5:4). It includes Re-Construction for in order for the potter to Re-Work the clay, water must be added (Jeremiah 18:1-4) It includes Re-Sanctification because We are sanctified by the washing or the water of the word. and all of this is part of God’s plan of Re-Conciliation.

The Spirit. The Spirit includes my Re-Education for the Holy Ghost is a teacher (John 14:26). It Re-Directs me (Hebrews 11:12; Galatians 5:16) It Re-Strains me. (Acts 16:7) It Re-News me (Romans 7:6). It Re-Leases me from guilt (Romans 8:1). It Re-Vives me (Romans 8:10). It Re-Covers and Re-Affirms me (Romans 8:15). It Re-Empowers me (Acts 1:8; Romans 15:19). It Re-Veals things to us (1 Corinthians 2:10) It Re-Constructs me (Ephesians 2:22). It Re-Decorates me (2 Corinthians 3:18). It is Re-Cieved of me (Galatians 3:2). It Re-Unions me (Ephesians 4:3). It Re-Fills me (Ephesians 5:18) It Refines me (Malachi 3:3). It Re-Invites me (Revelations 22:17), and all of these are part of God’s plan to Re-Deem me.

It is time to walk in the newness of life. Starting all over again, In my life has been a difficult process, but It is an essential one. “Must I be carried to the skies on flowery beds of ease?” is the question of the Hymnologist. “Sure I must fight…, I’ll bear the toil, endure the pain…” Comes the Re-Sponse. But despite the challenges, the obstacle, the struggles and the fight. YE MUST BE BORN AGAIN!

How to Handle your Haters

In today’s day and age we have people that we often simply call haters. A hater is “a person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.” (Urban Dictionary) Many times in our lives we are confronted with haters. I just read a note in which some one wrote a letter to their haters, telling them to quit hating. I want to let you know that haters are a blessing. And so, here is how to handle your haters.

1. Don’t stoop to their level. Instead be better than them.

This should be a given, but you would be surprised how many people start hating on their haters.

If you see that your enemy’s donkey has fallen because its load is too heavy, do not leave it there. You must help your enemy get the donkey back on its feet. Exodus 23:5 (NCV)

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. Matthew 5:43-48 (KJV)

2. Realize that your haters indicate your status

When you don’t have haters, then you must not be doing well. It is a true saying that if you have no haters, examine yourself, because your doing something wrong.

And ye shall be hated of all men for my name’s sake. Luke 21:17 (KJV)

3. Know that your haters take you higher.

In other words your haters are your elevators. So the more they hate, the more I elevate and the more haters I have, the higher I go.

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. Matthew 5:11-12 (KJV)

Why do we fight?

I was watching a rerun of Scrubs on Comedy Central and a statement was made to the effect that good relationships and bad relationships have the same set of crap that the partners in that relationship have to deal with, the same choices and bad decisions and insults and fights, trials and hardships. The difference is, the ones in a good relationship don’t let it get them down.

“The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force.” (Matthew 11:12b)

This scripture indicates a struggle. A struggle so hard it is described as violent. What struggles do we have in our lives now? School, maintaining relationships, defending friendships, financial struggles, etc. Even me, For the past 3 years I’ve been fighting for a relationship that doesn’t exist. So why am I fighting? Why not just give up and let the chips fall as they may.

This scripture indicates that this violence, this struggle had for its object, the Kingdom of Heaven. In other words, they were struggling for a good cause, fighting for the ultimate rightness. In school yes we struggle, seek tutors, haggle over grades. Why? It is because our struggle is to graduate. In relationships we fight, we make compromises, and we endure hardships. Why? It is because we believe they are our soul mates, that maybe they may be the one. We have the “audacity to hope” that we will spend the rest of our lives with them. In our friendship, the goal is the have that friendship be like David and Jonathans (1 Samuel 18:1). In finances, the goal is to live life without owing anyone. What are you striving for?

That last part says that “the violent take it by force.” Earlier we said, “the difference is, the ones in a good relationship don’t let it get them down.” In other words, the ones who want it, those press for it, the violent, the one who press into (Luke 16:16), those who overcome something, those who lay aside every weight and sin, those who run with patience, those who are more than conquerors, the overcomers, they that endure unto the end, they are the one who seize it. This is a confirmation that your labor is not in vain. A reminder that the laborer will receive his reward. Even in revelation there are 7 Promises to the overcomers, the ones who “take it by force.” Take hope in this knowing that your labor is not in vain.

Let us leave with the words of Dante Allegheny…

suffereth violence
From fervent love, and from that living hope
That overcometh the divine volition;
Not in the guise that man o’ercometh man,
But conquers it because it will be conquered,
And conquered, conquers by benignity.”

He Will Work It Out.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Ever wonder if things would work out. Ever wonder why it takes more effort to do things that you know are wrong?

Recently I sat and talked with the love of my life. I’ll admit, we’ve done some not right things. I haven’t been completely right before God. And it hurts not to be there. But my prayer has been that God take us in the right direction and prepare us to be the man and woman of God that he would have us to be, and that our relationship would reflect him.

Lately it seems that whenever we planned to do not right things, they would fail. Something would always come up to prevent us from seeing each other. Then one day we did see each other, and nothing wrong happened, and we enjoyed ourselves. And as we sat and talked on the steps of my house, she told me something that confirmed some things in my spirit. Yes, this is the one I have been praying for. This is the one I have poured of my self into and am seeing return.

As i sat there though, my flesh had been wondering why the “not right” plans would always fail while the good ones always succeeded. (JayT2, I might just have to get you for this) Up popped 828. Romans 8:28 that is. Things that we have to work on we are growing in. Thing we used to do we don’t do no more. We both are growing as individuals and as we grow separately, we grow stronger in our love for each other.

Prayer changes things. As my Chief Overseer Dr R.W. Fletcher has stated that “prayer is not a form, but a force” and that we all need to “know the use, not how to use it, but the use of prayer.” Problems have cropped up in this relationship at sundry times and divers manners, but I’ll never forget that I asked God if i should give up, or keep trying, though constantly being rejected. His answer, “Develop a love that lasts.” 3 years have passed since I met this woman of God and I’m still developing that love, like Jacob.

The results have not been immediate. I don’t expect them to be but like the scripture says, “all things work together for good…” Even though it may take some time. Haggai says that the glory of the latter house shall be greater than the former, but we learn from the Gospels that the latter house took 46 years to build. When Job was in the midst of test he said “all the days of my appointed time, I’m going to wait until my change comes.” Even if it takes some time. Jacob had to work 14 years for Rachel, so even if it takes some time, know this the ind will be better than the beginning for “we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Created to be Dependent.

Independence. A uniquely artificial culture. Every where I look, I see co dependence. I see the family as a national priority. I see families where no one moves out of the house soon as they are able. I see the village truly raising the child. I see children outside playing with one another, I see that in other communities, when one needs help, all pitch in. I see an affinity, a connection, a brotherhood.

Why then do we strive to be independent? Why do we seek to be free from everyone else? Why do we allow our pride to shut out those around us? Why do we see see dependence as weakness? In Genesis 2:18 we see that we were created to be dependent. That scripture says:

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Notice the first part of the verse. It identifies the speaker as “the LORD God.” In the hebrew that translates as YHWH Elohim. YHWH is the personal name of God. Elohim however is the plural of the word eloah which is the word “god” in the generic sense. So before we even get to the second part of the verse we see that God himself is not alone! This is also evident in the first chapter of Genesis when God (Elohim) said let us (look! he wasn’t alone!) make man in our image. If God is not alone and we were created in his image (literally to be a “phantom” copy) then it follows that we should not be alone. We were created to be dependent!

“It is not good for man to be alone.” This sentence leaves open the possibility for existence without human dependence for it does not say that such is impossible. if we examine the scriptures, man had a decent life before woman was created. He had shelter, he had food, he was an intelligent person, a zoologist, botanist, herbologist, and a biologist. He also had an knowledge of history from the beginning of the world. He was well equipped to survive on his own, but it was not good for man to be alone.

See even before the creation of woman, man was a dependent being. For while man had everything, it was all provided by God. Man depended on God for his sustenance, indeed his very existence. For it was the breath of God that flowed through his nostrils, and so man was created to be dependent!

“It is not good for man to be alone.” Adam was the only human being around. I can imagine Adam thinking as he was naming the animals, “These animals come in pairs but I, O Lord, am alone.” So the LORD God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” It’s a bad thing, for a man, to be left to his own devices, it is a bad thing for a man, to be “independent” I know that sounds crazy, but that’s bible. But why? The clue is in the next part.

“I will make him an help meet for him.” That word “help” means to aid, and that word “meet” means a counterpart or opposite.(H5828, H5048 Strongs Hebrew Lexicon) In other words, No matter how well off Adam was, how laid back he was or how much he was enjoying, “the good life,” Adam needed help. There was something missing from Adam, something not self contained. Adam was created to be dependent.

How was Adam “completed?” How did Adam fulfill his created order? God created Woman. Why? Because the only way Adam, being created in the image of God, could be complete was if he had help. He was created to be dependent. He needed companionship, he needed help, and he needed completion.

As I reflect on the woman in my life, I see that I was created to be dependent. To be surrendered to her. To be her counterpart, and she mine. There is a terribly great amount of emotion as I write these words, because she is my heart. Being with her, I know that I was created to be dependent. Sure I could get my degree, get a good job, settle into the life of a Christian bachelor and exercise, as Paul calls it, “the gift of singleness.” Instead, I choose to dedicate my life my service, and due benevolence to her for the rest of my life.

Examine yourselves, pray and seek God on this matter. You were created to be dependent. Maybe not on a spouse or girlfriend, but on God and someone. you were created to be dependent.

I will leave you with these words from scripture.

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 KJVR)

Mutual Authority: Surrender and Submit

And now I beseech thee, lady, not as though I wrote a new commandment unto thee, but that which we had from the beginning, that we love one another. (2 John 1:5)

Love one another. The same commandment we’ve always had. Living that commandment out has turned out to be one of the most difficult thins humans can do. Why? Because in an increasingly selfish world, love still requires us to be selfless.

I’m in love. How is that love manifested? I do for her, I worry about her, I pray for her, I pay for her as I am able, I cherish her, I do all that I can to ensure that I can facilitate her happiness. Selfless. Less of Self. That means less of me, and more of them.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

The Greek For husbands means “man” (in the gender specific sense) and is translated as such 156 times in the new testament. The Greek for “wives” means “a woman of any age, whether a virgin, or married, or a widow”(Thayers) and is translated as such 132 times in the NT. Thus, while the passages context calls for the translation “Husbands” and “Wives” The greek reads:

“Men, love{agape} your women, just as Christ also loved{agape} the church, and surrendered himself on behalf of it;”

Now, Jesus’ surrender involved self sacrifice. You wont always have what you want. Concede even if it means u wont have your way all the time. It’s about “us” and “we.”

If I surrender myself to you, I am doing thing that are pleasing to you. I am hearing your needs and accommodating you. That means that I have become selfless. Notice that “I” and “me” are only there to facilitate “her” and “she.” She is my beau, my love, my heart, my hope. I serve her.
But there is a flip side…

“Women submit yourself to your own man in the same manner as you would the Lord” (Translated from the Greek of Ephesians 5:22).

Now before you get your knocker in a bunch, let’s clarify the word submit. I Believe the Life Application Study Bible commentary says it best when it says

Submitting to another person is an often misunderstood concept. It does not mean becoming a doormat. Christ—at whose name “every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth” (Php_2:10)—submitted his will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following his example. When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is, to subordinate our rights to theirs.

Now, having said that, Women you must submit, just as well as men have to surrender! How do you submit? Allow him to take the initiative in the relationship. Be sensitive to his needs as he strives to meet yours. Become selfless. Don’t be over needy. Do little things to make him ore comfortable. Be able to reach a compromise before it ruins a relationship. Do something he want to do that you may not necessarily like every once in a while.

Just as we surrender to Jesus and try to please him as he blesses us, so should women try to please their men as their man, provides and takes care of them.

Growing in Love

And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you: (1 Thessalonians 3:12 KJV)

Wow, this may not come as a shock to you, but this was an epiphany to me. It’s the ability to be unconditionally in love with someone and still grow in love. I found that out today.

As I was speaking to a person that I am so unconditionally in love with, I said something that I immediately felt stupid for. Soon thereafter I began to cry, and I wondered why. Because my eyes don’t produce enough tears, and my callousness to pain and problems, it take a lot to make me cry. Yet here I was, tearing up because I feared that I offended her. Would I have reacted like this a month ago? No. I may have felt a little conscious, remorseful even, but crying?

Crying indicated to me that the more I loved her, the more it hurt for me to (or at least think that I) hurt her. Then the fact that there has been a deepening of the hurt of hurting (or thinking I hurt) her, said that I was growing more in love with her. Now, if I already love her unconditionally, then is it possible to continue to grow in that love?

That answer is yes. Thessalonians teaches us to increase and abound in love. To to grow is to increase, usually in amplitude, magnitude, size, weight, volume or worth. To abound is to to occur or exist in great quantities or numbers, to be well supplied. So we have to grow and be well supplied in love.
Growth is a continual process. To grow requires something to be added to the object. Plants grow when they intake water. People grow when they eat. Balloons grow in size when filled with a substance, be it water, air, sand, etc.

So what causes love to grow? It is the increase of the things that combine to form it. Patience, kindness, trust, humility, politeness, unselfish, good-naturedness, hatred of evil, love of truth, protectiveness, hope, perseverance, and triumph against that which seeks to destroy it. (I Corinthians 13:4-8) How do you increase in love, simple, you abound in it.

To abound in love, is even simpler, it is the second greatest commandment. “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:39) When you feel or do these things, and try to put them into practice daily, then you will grow in love. to illustrate the second commandment, Jesus told this story:

Jesus answered, “There was once a man who was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho when robbers attacked him, stripped him, and beat him up, leaving him half dead. It so happened that a priest was going down that road; but when he saw the man, he walked on by on the other side. In the same way a Levite also came there, went over and looked at the man, and then walked on by on the other side. But a Samaritan who was traveling that way came upon the man, and when he saw him, his heart was filled with pity. He went over to him, poured oil and wine on his wounds and bandaged them; then he put the man on his own animal and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Take care of him,’ he told the innkeeper, ‘and when I come back this way, I will pay you whatever else you spend on him.’ ” (Luke 10:30-35, Good News Bible)

The Preacher, and the deacon, both shunned him this helpless man. but the man who trumped racial, prejudices, fear and a host of other obstacles took his own money, and went out of his way to save this man. This man went above the call of duty. He could have left him there. He could have called the Jericho Police Department or the Israeli Highway Patrol. But he did his best to show patience in going out of his way happily. Kindness in showing compassion to the man. Trust in taking this man from a people known to despise him. Humility, by tending to his wounds. Politeness by taking this man to an inn. Unselfishness by paying for his room and his care out of his own pocket. Good-naturedness by stopping by when even the religious wouldn’t. Hatred of evil by not leaving him there. Love of justice by showing compassion that the preachers and deacons didn’t. Protectiveness by putting him up in the inn. Hope by promising to return. perseverance by continuing on his journey and then coming back. And finally triumph against that which seeks to destroy it by being compassionate to his enemy.

When we strive to show these traits and qualities to people, each and everyday, then our love continues to grow. And as we show these qualities to each other, we will not just grow in love, buut wee will become closer to God, for quite simply, “God is Love”

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. (1 John 4:7-8 KJVR)

Dont Forget your First Friend.

What if you lost the best friend you have ever had. What if that idea was a present reality in your life, a possibility that could occur? I have come to a realization. I know of myself, I know who I am, but I have lost my relationship with myself. And my biggest fear is losing the only other significant relationship I have in my life. My best friend.

As I sat in the car with her and we talked about the changes that have occurred in her life over the past couple months, My mind was analyzing the possible effects that change would have on me, and one of those effects may be that I lose her as my friend. My soul had been heavy on that regard. There I sat, and I had an anxiety attack over the mere thought of losing her.

My relationship with myself has been empty for a while. My life story is self fulfillment by fulfilling others expectation and facilitating them. My time is spent, working on a client’s project, chatting or chilling with my friends, in church, at school, or alone and lonely.

When I found a friend that I could be myself around, talk to, and ultimately discover myself around, by the very nature of our relationship, I was elated. I loved her for who she was, a strong cultured, educated, sensible and well rounded individual who could hold her own in a conversation and didn’t mind being around me. She was beautiful. She for the most part knew what she wanted out of life. But she changed.

Since we’ve been back, we’ve hung out, went to the movies, been hiking, just chilled. We’ve crossed rivers on felled trees. Nothing in our relationship has changed. We are still cool, but we’re no longer chapters in the same book. She said herself she’s in a “completely different book.” How do I handle that?

When I got home after sitting in that car, listening to her tell me of the changes in her life, I Prayed, asked God to reveal his opinion of me. As I was searching for the story of David and Jonathan, he hit me with this scripture.

Micah 7:5,7 Trust ye not in a friend, put ye not confidence in a guide: keep the doors of thy mouth from her that lieth in thy bosom. Therefore I will look unto the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation: my God will hear me.

As I was pondering over that, and talking to another of my friends, they got me to an interesting scripture.

First Peter 2:9 – But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light:

That’s when it hit me. I was relying more on my friends than on God. I was calling them for advice, telling them my problems instead of God and God was calling me to step back and remember who I am and to whom I belong. As a chosen generation, I must choose him first. As royalty, I must bow to his Kingship first. As a Priest, I must worship and offer myself as a sacrifice to Him first, as a holy person, i must emulate him first, as a citizen of his nation, i must pledge allegiance to him first, as a peculiar people, I must be different from unrighteousness first, and in all things I must “seek first the kingdom of God and ALL his righteousness.

Yes, I would miss her if she’s gone, but I wont die. It will hurt but I must remember, Jesus said, he would not leave me comfort less. I should not be afraid of losing her, though I wish and hope she won’t, because God still was the first friend I ever had. He alone welcomed me with outstretched hands as I came to the foot of the cross. And even “when father and mother forsake [me] he will lift [me] up.”

So God showed me that my alliance is to him first for all my needs. That I am his and what that means, and that he has my back (when I’m in His will because he doesn’t back sin) so just let him be your first best friend instead of leaving him out of your circle of friends. Talk to him like you talk to your friends. Chill with him like u chill with your friends. As his friendship becomes stronger with you every other friendship will improve as well. Just be his friend and all the rest will work out even better.

Also, the way I panicked about losing my best friend, is the way we should feel about leaving God, walking away from his plan, forgetting his purpose, leaving his will, walking away from him. He promised not to leave you, but you can leave him. I would do anything for her to continue as my friend and we should be the same way about our friendship with God.

Oh, and one more thing. If he’s your first friend, he should set the standard for the rest, act accordingly.

Four signs of a bad relationship.

When a man or a woman leaves you often times, your flabbergasted! You usually are completely blindsided by that, or you knew something wasn’t right but didn’t know what. Ever wonder how you can prevent a headache and a heartache by knowing (s)he’s leaving you in advance? Here are four signs of a bad relationship.

1. He didn’t Love you in the first place.

And when the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb: but Rachel was barren. (Genesis 29:31)

Jacob came out hating Leah. there’s no indication that Leah new this from the beginning. Laban tricked him into that relationship, but I believe Leah was genuinely glad that she had married him. And expected him to be a good husband to her. But what she didn’t see (and maybe she blocked out on purpose) was that he didn’t love her and even while he was married, he was in negotiations with Laban to get with Rachel.

Ladies, (and fellas) real love never fails (I Corinthians 13:8) So when you see the his love vanishing away, it wasn’t real in the first place. It may have felt real, it may have seemed real, it can even walk and talk real, but if it doesn’t ABIDE, its not real. So the first sign of a bad relationship is, it’s not based on love. Passion, is not love. Intimacy, Is not love. Commitment is not love. Trust is not love. Love is a heart thing. Love is unconditional. It’s a “come what may” love. “it’s a “For Better and For Worse” love. and if that love doesn’t develop, then your relationship isn’t off to a very good start.

2. She didn’t see him as much

And Leah conceived, and bare a son, and she called his name Reuben: for she said, Surely the LORD hath looked upon my affliction; now therefore my husband will love me. Genesis 29:32

I can imagine Leah trying to get Jacobs attention, and win his love by making babies. For a Hebrew man, a son was an honor, and the firstborn, the inheritor of the major portion and successor to the family name as well as the patriarch of the family when his father died. What she was doing was trying to make him love her because of what she could do for him. What’s interesting here is what she named the child. Reuben means “see ye a son.” Its root words mean “to see” and “a son, a builder of the family” So we see that Jacob didn’t come around much, because of his affection for Rachel, and so she had to get his attention.

When s/he doesn’t come around much and you constantly have to get or compete for their attention, whether it’s the boys, the tv, the game console, his job, his friends, or just not wanting to be around you, thats sign number 2 of a bad relationship.

3. She didn’t hear from him as much.

And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Because the LORD hath heard that I was hated, he hath therefore given me this son also: and she called his name Simeon. (Genesis 29:33)

Now Simeon means “hearing” and so now we see the trend continuing downwards. First she didn’t see him as much, and now they don’t talk as much. I can see Leah being the original Verizon Wireless Signal Tester. There she is following Jacob around yearning for his attention and shouting, “can you hear me now”

Ladies, remember when y’all could talk hours about nothing? So why does it seem like now a 5 minute conversation is awkward? Ladies, (gentlemen take notes), when you talk are you listening to her or just hearing her? Are you distracted or enamored? because lack of hearing is not necessarily lack of talking. But now the relationship has lost equality and your regulated to second place. You’re supposed to hear him, but he doesn’t hear you. Thats the 3rd sign of a bad relationship.

4. Their relationship became empty.

And she conceived again, and bare a son; and said, Now this time will my husband be joined unto me, because I have born him three sons: therefore was his name called Levi. (Genesis 29:34)

Levi means “attached.” So now she sees that they are no longer attached, there is no longer any semblance of a bond between them. Wait a minute. How they not attached? they’re still married. we can surmise that Jacob, having worked for his uncle for 7 years and having stayed there even longer, was at least friends with Leah. There had to be some type of cordial relationship there. You just cant be around a person that long and not be cool with them. So now in light of that, what we see here is a loss of friendship. They cant talk like the used to, she don’t see him like she used to and so now that friendship is deteriorating. Commitment without intimacy or passion. There was no point to keeping up the illusion, and I imagine that by this time, she was depressed.

Have you ever ended a relationship and it seems that things aren’t the same anymore? You used to be cool now all you do is wave awkward hellos in the hallways as you pass by. The once mutual respect is now a facade at best and non existent. and its the worst possible place you can be stuck at in a relationship. Emptiness is the fourth sign of of a bad relationship.

Side Note

Throughout this story one key thing hit me today, they were still having sex. Wow. Look at those verses again, she kept getting pregnant, which means she kept having sex. I can imagine Leah using sex to keep him around. In fact wee see evidence of this in the next chapter.

And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son’s mandrakes. (Genesis 30:14)

Mandrakes were associated with fertility in those days. And it is suggested that they were also used as an aphrodisiac. Leah was churning out babies in chapter 30, which means they were having copious amounts of sex. Those sons were prized in those days and so, Leah tried to trap him and trick him into loving her. Ladies (and gentlemen) you can have an empty relationship and still be having sex. But theres a downgrade. You’ve gone from being a wife to just a married woman. From his girl, to his booty call. And so what do you do?

What do you do when your relationship is failing?

And she conceived again, and bare a son: and she said, Now will I praise the LORD: therefore she called his name Judah; and left bearing. (Genesis 29:35)

Judah means praise. It looks like from the verse, she wised up for a while. and effectively separated from him for a time. (Chapter 30 has her and her servants having more babies). It says that she “left bearing,” meaning, she stopped having children. Now, this most likely means she stopped having sex with him. What did she do then? She began to praise God. Even in the midst of a broken relationship and a messed up marriage. Even when the little home girl with the pretty eyes from down the way lost the man she loved and was determined to be with, she still Praised God.

When your relationships stop working out, and your “lover” is gone, when you want to throw a pity pary or mask the hurt in your heart with a rebound date, or alcohol, or drugs, or promiscuity, instead, stop yourself, check yourself and begin to praise God anyhow. He sees the hurt he sees the pain, he sees the situation, and he’s been with you all along.

But when you praise God in the midst of your sorrow. When you praise God despite your circumstance, then instead of being around your situation, he dwells in your situation, because your situation is filled with praise. She was pregnant with Praise, she travailed with praise and now she gives birth to praise and since praise is now in the mids t of the situation, and God inhabits his peoples praise, then God now dwells in your situation, and since God wont dwell in mess, the house will be straightened up, your broken vessel will be made new, and there will be a change in you despite your circumstances. He will heal your heart. He will heal your soul and that change will transform you by the renewing of your mind.

When you’re stuck in a bad relationship, GET UP AND PRAISE the Lord!

To Sow In Tears…

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalms 126:5

Last night pushed me, motivated me and changed me. Last night something positive happened. Last night as I sat in a car with my friend, I poured out my life’s frustrations, and I wept. I wept to see the struggles of my mother, the situation with my father, who just turned 70. Emotions I had not shared with anyone but my mom I now shared with this friend. Last night I gave a glimpse of my soul.

The Lord never said this life would be easy, that everything would go well. He instead told us, In the world ye shall have tribulation: (John 16:33) Things are gonna get dicey, depressing, rough, tough, hard… it’s going to be jacked up. but we can take comfort in knowing the providence of God is able to come through.

1. He sends a friend to comfort you.

Tonight I needed a shoulder to cry on, and someone to hold me. Proverbs 18:24 tells me that there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. That word friend in the Hebrew means to have affection for and is translated as love (or any form of that word) 189 times in the OT compared to its translation as friend (or any form of that word) at 12 times. Young Literal Translation, The Bible in Basic English, and The Literal Translation of the Holy Bible all say “lover.” and so he sends someone who loves you to comfort you.

2. He comforts you with His Spirit

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. (John 14:16-18)

Ah the promise of God is sure. He says He gives a Comforter, that will abide with us forever. That will live in us, and with us. On top of that He gives us the promise that He will come again. This Spirit, His Holy Spirit is the assurance of our salvation, for we are saved by the receiving of His Holy Spirit. Don’t you Just Love God?

3. He comforts you with His presence.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. (Psalms 42:11)

David was having one of those days. He was in a spiritual drought, his soul cried out for relief. His tears sustained him, but didn’t comfort him. And then His countenance came for a relief. The word help in the Hebrew means “something saved, that is, (abstractly) deliverance.” Salvation and deliverance are in his presence. Notice the text says hope in God and gives the process for deliverance. He says he will yet praise Him. In the midst of a dark situation, before his help even came he began to praise God. Psalms 22:3 lets us know that he inhabits the praises of His People. Because he inhabits your praise, praise invokes his presence and since God wont dwell in mess and darkness is subdued in light, his countenance chases away the despair in your life, the dreariness in your life and you know that everything will be alright.

4. He comforts us with His Promises.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalms 126:5

What a promise. Late in the night you cry, your soul aches within you. In the dark places and the shadows of your life. When your sick and tired and fed up. When you feel like you can’t make it through, In the midnight hour, body racked with pain. When your longing overwhelms you and your looking for a brighter day. Even in the midst of your sorrow and despair, He promised you Joy! He sees your tears, He sees your pain, and even in the midst of your situation, he says you will have Joy. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

5. He comforts us from his experience.

Crying? “Jesus wept” Lost a loved one? Jesus lost his dear friend. Under stress? Jesus was under such stress that when he was praying in the garden the blood vessels in his forehead burst from the stress and mixed in with his sweat so that he was literally “sweating blood.” Deserted by friends? The disciples left Jesus at the courthouse. Peter even denied that he ever hung out with Jesus. THREE TIMES! and yet this same Jesus had love, had joy, had comfort, had peace and had power. Jesus had a good life, and a better life in heaven. If Jesus could endure, we can endure.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalms 126:5